Pretty music and Monday afternoon thoughts.

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Today is April 15.

I am willing to assume that approximately 105 days ago you made some sort of resolution for the year ahead. Yes, even those of you who claim not to be the resolution sort.
I can say this with all the confidence in the world because I happen to be one of those people.

No, maybe I didn't write out a list of concrete goals such as "this year I will exercise five days a week" or "this year I will give up drinking soda". No, nothing like that.
But nevertheless, somewhere deep inside of me, I had a goal in mind for myself when I awoke on January 1.
I guess I'm not even sure if I should call it a goal. Maybe more like a desire for myself.
Hope even.

105 days later, I now ask the generic question that I'm sure you are expecting from a blog like this...
these resolutions, goals, desires, expectations, hopes, whatever you call them....where are they now?

I can't stop thinking that perhaps our way of thinking about new years and "resolutions" is, in fact, just a reflection of  how messed up humanity is. I know - big jump from resolutions to humanity.
But think about it for a minute-

We value new years. Why?  Because it is rare. It happens only once a year. It is our big chance to prove to ourselves or to others that we are capable of being the person that we desire and hope to be.
It is our opportunity to turn things around, fix what's broken, and to make this chapter of our lives different from the all the previous chapters.

The question that's been swirling in my mind is why isn't this mindset present every new month? Every day is new, so why can't I wake up every morning with as much passion for change as I do on January 1.
Is is really only the rareness of the new year that is driving me to make these changes?

Its a maddening unending cycle. We all know at some point we will fail at our resolution. No matter how dedicated and how determined we are, it simply is not possible to be perfect.
At some point, whether intentionally or unintentionally, we're going to give in and not follow through with what we desired for ourselves.

Then comes the moment when we realize we've failed. 
Once we've failed once it becomes easier to fail again.
And so the cycle just continues. We give up on ourselves, we make excuses for ourselves, we blame ourselves, we blame others, and we go about our year in entirely the same way as the previous. Never realizing it, until the next new year comes along.

I could write a lot longer on this, but what I think I'm trying to say, is when will we stop looking everywhere else for what's right in front of our faces? A new year is not needed for change or a second start. Nothing new is needed.
Every day is simply a repeated version of the day before - and it's our every day choices in the present moment that dictates what happens next.

Sure, a new year feels fresh and new, and yes, the rareness of that makes it kind of beautiful.
But I think what's even more rare and more beautiful is a person who doesn't look behind them to the failures of the past. Someone who doesn't look ahead of them making empty promises of how they will live their life from "now on". But rather, someone who continuously makes the present moment one that is so alive and full of love, that there is no need for resolutions.

   “All that is important is this one moment in movement. Make the moment important, vital, and   
                                                 worth living; don't let it slip away unused."
                                                              ― Martha Graham